Changes

I have not been on and blogged in such a long time, I know I have said I am horrible at this before. This time I have a good excuse. I started dating and am now engaged! Best man ever! The kids love him, I love him and best of all, he loves all of us. More to come soon.

Turns out I am not so great at this

I keep thinking of things I want to blog about and decide to do it and then don't. I have been away so long it took me forever to remember how to log in. My goal for next week is to catch up! I have a lot of things to write about. Madison's graduation, my graduation, Madison's birthday, and so many pictures! I swear to do at least one next week ( no pressure that way)

Isaiah is turning 2

This last week or two I have been trying to soak up as much of Isaiah as I can. I can hardly believe my baby boy will be two in just a few short days! He is growing up so fast and I find myself almost panicking at the thought that this could be my last baby and he is growing too fast! Way too fast. The other night I read him his story for bed and laid by him in his bed until he went to sleep and I just thanked God for this precious sweet boy. He is such a huge blessing. Both my kids are but I feel like if it weren't for Isaiah inside me, I would not have handled my breakup as well as I did. Here are some of my favorite pictures of Isaiah's life so far.

Newborn


About 6 months old


1 year old


1 and a half

The new year

One of my goals this year (there are many) is to keep up on my blog. I need to remember to get the special moments down so that we don't forget. My other goals are: to get more into the word and have bible reading time alone. To read to the kids more. They both love to hear stories. To get the house organized and stay that way. To finish college and get a career started. And finally to take better care of myself.

This year has started off pretty well I am making an honest effort to take better care of myself. I am putting on makeup regularly and doing my hair in more ways than down or in a ponytail. I am continuing with the gym and losing weight. I finally got into regular pants and was able to buy them! Reading to the kids has been a great addition to our day. The kids just soak it up! School is really interesting this term. I am taking some classes that have very violent subject matter which is hard for me to hear and see but I think I need to so that I can be aware and knowledgeable when I get out into the field of work I am hoping for.

I cannot wait to see what God has in store for the kids and I this year. He has blessed me way more than I could ever deserve. He gives me little encouragements all the time.

Catching up

I am horrible at keeping up with posts. I end up going a couple months without anything new when really there is a ton new. The idea when I made the blog was to keep a record of things I go through and the kids go through because I am not a good journal keeper either. So lets see......
First Madison has been loving her school!! I am so glad I chose this school for her. She is excelling in everything and can even write her name. She loves to learn and is constantly playing school with her little brother. He soaks up the attention from her too. I am so blessed!! She loves to tell me everything she does everyday after school. We end up in the parking lot getting a run down of who the helper of the day was and who brought snack and on and on. She is so much fun!
Isaiah on the other hand is really making me work. I love him to pieces and he is becoming such a little boy instead of my sweet baby. I can hardly believe that he is almost 2 already!! He is slower at talking than Madison was but he is a very smart problem solver. That boy can do anything he wants (weather it is ok or not). I am always on alert for him. He also has discovered trains. HE LOVES TRAINS!!! Everywhere we go he is looking for "issues" or "ashoos" So sweet!
The other day Madison and Isaiah were sitting on my bed while I was working on the computer and Madison kept repeating "Mommy how does brother say no?" He finally looked at her and got in her face and yelled "NO" It was so funny. We all laughed for a while with that one.
Isaiah is also becoming a big helper with everything!! I cannot do anything around the house without his involvement. He helps with the dishwasher. (never look in my silverware drawer if you are a neat freak) He loves the dryer and checks it every 3 minutes when it is on. He likes to try and help cook. Not easy to fool but I keep trying. "No stoves for Bubba, that's hot!!" is a very common phrase in this house.
Christmas this year is going to be very different from other years. We are going to Arizona!! I cannot wait! Madison is so excited as well. She told me today it was too hard to wait to go. I figure that every couple of years we need to spend christmas with my dad and step mom and brothers, its only fair. It also gives mommy a break from the everyday. Madison has also picked up a new acceptance of Santa this year. other years I never talked about it and this year she did. We went and saw him a couple of times and she asked him for a baby doll stroller. He is following through on that one. Isaiah of course is all over Santa because his big sister is. What fun!!

The new school year

I have been not updating for a while because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I am not sure why but it was a long month for me. I felt completely out of control and hated that I could not shake the feeling. I ended up getting a lot done around the house because of it, my house is now junk free and free of old clothes and unnecessary items. Yay! Another good part is I lost 10 pounds. That is only because I could not eat, but I will take it. I am not sure what brought it on, but I am glad it is now gone. The Lord is blessing me in a lot of ways and I am exactly where he needs me to be right now, but I guess I was just being selfish. I saw him using me to bless others, but I wanted more for me. I was even to the point of taking my kids to my mom's house a couple times because I knew I was not a good mom that day or I wasn't going to be any help to them at all. I love them with all I am but for some reason I had had enough. I can't do anything with out them. I know I can get sitters but I have to have money to pay them, didn't have that. My mom helps but its only when I have to work or school seminars. Not just so I can have a day off. I really can't complain, she helps more than a lot of parents do, and does it willingly.
So with the new school year I am starting fresh! Madison started preschool, she loves it. I am trading babysitting with my neighbor so I can go to the gym without kids or paying the daycare, and am starting a weight training program that is promising big results in 20 weeks! Here we go! That was another problem, I have been at the gym for months and not much in results. I am so excited to see what comes. I start school in just under 2 weeks and this is the last home stretch for my degree!! I am going to stay positive and not let another month happen like it did.
Also I finally caught up with the rest of the world and read the Twilight books. That turned into a little addiction for a while. I read all 4 books in 5 days! Loved them! I even read the start of Midnight Sun on the authors website and liked it even more. I am so glad she did decide to finish it. I do not like the movie as well after reading the book, but am so looking forward to seeing new moon still. Malia and I already have our date set to go see it, just have to get a sitter.

Eagerly awaiting His perfect plan!

I was thinking that I would be smart a couple months ago and registered for all accelerated courses for summer term. That means 5 weeks instead of 8 or 10. Smart right? Well maybe not. I am pulling through it and not struggling too much. I will probably come out with c's and not a's but passing is passing at this point. I have been trying very hard to find a job at the same time. I love being home with my kids! I really do, but I want to live in a house!! I want to be independent from food stamps, ohp, and my mom. I appreciate the help and am so thankful, but I want to provide for my kids and feel like I have come far in my life. We need more room too. This place is just too small. I cannot afford anything in rent so this will have to do. I get torn at the same time. I so had another plan for my life. I always though that when I had kids, I would get to be an at home mommy and my husband would work and come home to dinner at night. We would go on vacations, go to church, and be a family. I never wish to be with Cade even for a second. Honestly he makes me sick. I love our kids and would never trade them for anything. I just wish things were easier. Maybe get child support regularly, or at all, a break on getting a job, just something. I am trying so hard to keep positive and just trust in God's perfect timing and plan for us. It is so hard to do though. Especially when the kids have me up all night, the phone won't stop ringing with bill collectors, and Cade calls to just call me names and blame me for him not being a good dad. I get small blessings everyday though. There is never a day that I go without thanking God for what he has done and for my precious kids. I am just eager to see what he has in store for us. Two of my favorite verses are:
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have many trails and sorrows. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
These are great reminders for me daily. I wish sometimes it was on the ceiling above my bed, so that when I have my little pity parties sometimes at night and cry, his words will be right above me to remind me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNEhKLrsUfo