Eagerly awaiting His perfect plan!

I was thinking that I would be smart a couple months ago and registered for all accelerated courses for summer term. That means 5 weeks instead of 8 or 10. Smart right? Well maybe not. I am pulling through it and not struggling too much. I will probably come out with c's and not a's but passing is passing at this point. I have been trying very hard to find a job at the same time. I love being home with my kids! I really do, but I want to live in a house!! I want to be independent from food stamps, ohp, and my mom. I appreciate the help and am so thankful, but I want to provide for my kids and feel like I have come far in my life. We need more room too. This place is just too small. I cannot afford anything in rent so this will have to do. I get torn at the same time. I so had another plan for my life. I always though that when I had kids, I would get to be an at home mommy and my husband would work and come home to dinner at night. We would go on vacations, go to church, and be a family. I never wish to be with Cade even for a second. Honestly he makes me sick. I love our kids and would never trade them for anything. I just wish things were easier. Maybe get child support regularly, or at all, a break on getting a job, just something. I am trying so hard to keep positive and just trust in God's perfect timing and plan for us. It is so hard to do though. Especially when the kids have me up all night, the phone won't stop ringing with bill collectors, and Cade calls to just call me names and blame me for him not being a good dad. I get small blessings everyday though. There is never a day that I go without thanking God for what he has done and for my precious kids. I am just eager to see what he has in store for us. Two of my favorite verses are:
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have many trails and sorrows. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
These are great reminders for me daily. I wish sometimes it was on the ceiling above my bed, so that when I have my little pity parties sometimes at night and cry, his words will be right above me to remind me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNEhKLrsUfo

Updates

So I did really well on my next test and will definately pass the class I was worried about. Yay! Now Madi has not stopped her mission to get 2 daddy's. I have worked on not talking about it with her much and encouraged her to pray for God's timing in her new daddy. Well this week she stayed at her grandma's house and told her she wanted a puppy. (this has been her other mission in life, a puppy) Her grandma told her that she needs to wait until we live in a house with a yard first. Madison's response to her was "well when my mommy gets a husband thats my new daddy we will have a big house for a dog". OK. Then today she was all upset because I put her clothes in the washer and she was wanting to wear them again. I told her she could when they are dry. She lost it crying and saying she was mad at me over and over. I sat down with her and asked what the problem was and she clamed down and says I am mad at you. I asked if it was because I washed her clothes and she said no. I was a little confused then and asked why then. She said she wants 2 daddys and I have not done that for her yet. So I explained again that everything is in God's perfect timing and plan. I asked if she would like me to pray with her about it. She said yes. Great! I talked to herr some more and she was calmed down for about ten minutes and I said ok now we will pray before we get up. She sat in my lap and hugged my neck to pray so I prayed for her concerns and his perfect timing and blessings that we already have recieved. She started crying. I kept praying. It was the most moving spirtual moment I have ever had, and it was from praying with my 4 year old!! Unbelieveable!!

School and Spring

So this week is my finals week and I can't wait to be done with the term!! I have been really stressed out with one class but am loving the other three. ironic as it is the class I am having trouble in is interpersonal communications. The teacher apparently does not know how to communicate what she wants. At first I thought it was just me but after being in 2 groups over the course of the term and having everybody in both groups not understand either, I feel much much better. I am so close to not passing the class that I have been obsessing about it for a few weeks now. Spring is finally here and we are loving it!! The kids were both in swim lessons this month and did great. We also have been taking walks in the evenings almost everyday. I just love being able to send the kids out back to play instead of dealing with 2 balls of energy inside all day! I better get to bed but I needed to post something at least once this month.

Madison and 2 daddys

So Cade is in jail for 90 days and just before he left, he visited Madison the day before and the week before. That is the most he has seen her in almost 2 years. After he left though, she cant call or talk to him or see him. This is the first time I have ever had to say that she can't. The whole situation with him has stressed her out and she went back to going potty in her pants and even in her bed. Sometimes twice in a night. This is a girl that once she decided she wanted to wear panties, it was at night too. We had maybe 3 accidents at night since then. So I was concerned and could not figure out what was causing this. Tiffany and I were talking and she was acting up so we started asking her questions to see if we could get some insight to what is going on in her little head. Heres what we discovered. She loves everybody, and everybody loves her. She likes when daddy comes to visit but also likes it more when he goes home. He is the only one that loves her just a lil bit and she only loves him a lil bit. Everyone else she opens her arms wide and says this much. So I asked what would make things better and her response was "I want two daddys" why? "Cause then love me all the time". That broke my heart. I said that we would pray on it and that God will send another daddy when its time. Her response was that she will ask her sunday school teacher for one.

Ear piercing

So about a month ago Madison saw someone getting their ears pierced at Clairs in the mall. She decided thats what she wanted for her birthday. I thought that sounded pretty good. She does her chores well and has been keeping her toys picked up in her room pretty well lately too. So last week we went to the mall and Grandma got her ears pierced for an early birthday present. Madi did great! Only a couple tears after it was done and before they gave her a sucker. She let me clean them about the first day then started cleaning them herself. YAY. I saw no wrong about it. Then Cade told his mom about it.......I may as well have gotten Madi a tattoo. I was damaging my daughter by doing that and am forcing her to grow up by letting her get earrings......HELLO it's earrings!! Not a cell phone or a car. I really really do not know what to do about him and his nosy mom. No matter what I do or say, nothing is ok or good enough. I don't feed them right, don't dress them they way she would. I should do everything different down to the names of my kids. And above all else I should ignore the fact that he and them do not see the kids. I should bring them to functions so they don't look bad and pretend they come see them on a regular basis. UGH!!!

I am catching up

So I have a lot of friends that have a blog, I read them but did not have one myself. I have every other imaginable site but no blogs on them to tell the funny stories and comments from my kids. So here I am! I will probably mostly add pictures and little stories, I am not good at the deep thought stuff it takes too much effort ;)