I was thinking that I would be smart a couple months ago and registered for all accelerated courses for summer term. That means 5 weeks instead of 8 or 10. Smart right? Well maybe not. I am pulling through it and not struggling too much. I will probably come out with c's and not a's but passing is passing at this point. I have been trying very hard to find a job at the same time. I love being home with my kids! I really do, but I want to live in a house!! I want to be independent from food stamps, ohp, and my mom. I appreciate the help and am so thankful, but I want to provide for my kids and feel like I have come far in my life. We need more room too. This place is just too small. I cannot afford anything in rent so this will have to do. I get torn at the same time. I so had another plan for my life. I always though that when I had kids, I would get to be an at home mommy and my husband would work and come home to dinner at night. We would go on vacations, go to church, and be a family. I never wish to be with Cade even for a second. Honestly he makes me sick. I love our kids and would never trade them for anything. I just wish things were easier. Maybe get child support regularly, or at all, a break on getting a job, just something. I am trying so hard to keep positive and just trust in God's perfect timing and plan for us. It is so hard to do though. Especially when the kids have me up all night, the phone won't stop ringing with bill collectors, and Cade calls to just call me names and blame me for him not being a good dad. I get small blessings everyday though. There is never a day that I go without thanking God for what he has done and for my precious kids. I am just eager to see what he has in store for us. Two of my favorite verses are:
John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have many trails and sorrows. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
These are great reminders for me daily. I wish sometimes it was on the ceiling above my bed, so that when I have my little pity parties sometimes at night and cry, his words will be right above me to remind me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNEhKLrsUfo
Colorful entertainment
10 years ago
